Wednesday, 3 November 2010
I just want to run away, go and live by myself, not have anyone talk to me, but then I don't want to be lonely, argh, I want to do well at college, but I'm fucking up so bad, sometimes I wish I'd get ill, so I'd have an excuse not to go out and just rot in my bedroom with my books and my sympathy for myself. I can't handle being around my little brother, he's just like me, just as depressed and angry and volatile and his health problems... well that's just it, he's not really poorly anymore, but when he gets a spot or a cough or anything my mum gets all panicky, I just want to say SHUT THE FUCK UP! Fuck sake, fuck this fuck everyone, the only thing that matters now is getting thin and even that she resents, just had a go at me over my 'freakish' eating patterns even though she knows I'm fucking bulimic and gives me no support, she's killing us with the shite that she buys, but she's okay as long as she gets to fill her greedy face with it, selfish, stupid fucking bitch! I know what mum, I'll start eating 'normal'(which to you is tons of chocolate crisps and takeaway food) and throw up again, I'll vomit and vomit till I tear myself open and die, I don't give a fuck anymore, I just want to fall into a fucking coma or get put in a nuthouse, so all I have to do is breathe, no eating, no talking, just fade away and fucking rot.