Friday, 22 April 2011
Swallowing me up.
I'm really frustrated and lost and lots of other things, I only binged and purged once yesterday and for most days this week, I haven't absorbed food at all for like a week and I still remain at 191lbs, I go to bed hungry every fucking night, but I'm still a fat monster. I can't even have an eating disorder right, I just want to die instead of living as a failed anorexic, where is the dignity of ramming my fat fingers down my fat fucking throat?! I'll never be ill enough to get help, I'll never be thin enough to matter, what is fucking wrong with me?! FAT, DIRTY, USELESS, UGLY, PATHETIC, UNLOVEABLE, DISGUSTING, UNTALENTED, UNSUCCESSFUL, BURDENSOME, SELFISH, EVIL FUCKING PIG.