Fuck recovery... in the arse... with glass.

I can't do it, I can't handle those ten pounds or the other one hundred and fucking ninety, the only way I'm going to be able to handle life at the moment is to purge everything, at least that way I'm numb and I lose weight, but I want to try and control it like I used to, three set meals a day, thoroughly purged, no laxatives(TMI but I have really painful piles, another lovely side effect of bulimia :)) I can't recover and I know if I carry on not purging I WILL kill myself.