New tattoo

Fuck me, long posts are hard to read...


Sorry if I don't reply to them, I have the attention span of a hyperactive goldfish.


I'mma start designing my next tattoo today, I want a girl in bondage, a bit pinup style, all grey and black apart from the red bondage rope and red hair :)

Feeling a bit more positive today, I've bought some books, some art supplies, a hairdye, some lotion and a new dress, that's cheered me up, I never get to get thee proper black girl shampoo and skin products that I need, so now I've got some instead of using my mum's shampoo and shit.
I can actually do something as well with having my new books, I bought adrian mole, one of my all time faves, one about white women with black servants in the deep south 1940's, one about evacuee children in the war and one called being a woman, that's about a woman's place in society and all that shit, so they should all be good reads. :)


And I'm getting back to the gym tomorrow, booyah!

I feel like dying

Maybe I should run away.
Nowhere to run to though.
Nobody to run to.
Maybe I should kill myself.
I don't know.
All I do is piss everyone off, I'm such a burden.
Don't tell me that's not true, it is.
I'm not an adult, I don't know how to live.
I wish someone would save me.
I wish I could die.
There's nothing to my life, I don't do anything.
I have no purpose.
Really, truly.
This isn't depression, it's just the truth.
I'm just a person gone wrong.
And when something goes wrong and can't seem to be fixed, you just get rid of it right?
I think I'm going to run away.
If that doesn't work, I'll just kill myself.


Sounds like a plan.

I'm such a retard, it's not even funny...

Gah, sorry to be a downer(not in the syndrome way, in the depressive way lol)

But I cut this morning... I don't even know why, I was bored and grossed out with myself...

My mum's gonna see it, I don't want to hurt her or disappoint her, it's been ages since I've done it.

I don't even know why... it's not like i want to be covered in scars that people will see and judge me by and draw even more attention to my monstrous self.

WTF man, I'm such a douche.


I blame the Gateway Counsellor, he pretty much dared me to do it again and it's been in my mind since, like I was just lying or some shit... whatever, he looks like a paedophile anyway.

A few photos from my last shoot

Bulimia, obesity and modelling, ironic right?

Also, I <3 being ginger, that's why I even type in ginger ;)

Update

Daily Update:

Right, I did it, I ate my tea!

If I want to avoid binging I need to not starve myself.

Sooo....

Baby corn 50 cals
Packet of french fries 88 cals
Baked potato with tuna, salad and salad cream, let's just round that to 500

So altogether 638.. shit, that's a bit low, but I don't want to eat more this late on.

Gonna do wii fit jogging and hula hoop, then Just Dance, 100 sit ups and some kettlebell training.