Fucking bastard family.

So it was my Auntie's 40th last night, no one invited me, all the rest of the family were 


there(all the rest being her nine siblings, including my dad and over 20 fucking cousins) 


no one fucking bothers with me, my dad has the time for every other fucker, but not me, 


it's just some money in a card, brings it to my house and then that's it till Christmas.

I swear to god, I fucking hate my family, it's not like I've never tried with my Dad... a family 


that fucking big and I never see any of them.

Fuck them man, at least I have my mum and Tristan.

Ah well, they're all fucking black anyway.

Booyah!

So I'm 4lbs down, weighed this morning, not too bad.

Also Naz(i) I left you a comment back on my post below :P

I want to be thin(like you've never heard that before)

I wish I was throwing up 5 times a day again, I wish I was back a my LW(189, still overweight lol) again.

I would never allow myself to gain back to this.

Never.

I wish I was thinner, it would make me happier, it did make me happier.

Crazy, but happy(ish), manic is good, I want that back, and more.

I want to be thinner.

Thin.

My Facebook Group

http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/304260326284479/

Join if you like, but no 'i <3 ana/mia, there gona make meh perfect' bullshit please though.

New start and shit...

I'm gonna start sorting my happiness, I can't just mope around waiting for it to find me.

I'm gonna start socialising again, meeting new people, nights out every week, going to munches.

I wanna find a new man, a good one this time, gonna start le weightloss again, work out every day, start wearing makeup again and just get out there.

So to start with I'm doing a fruit and veg only diet for a month or so.

Also how fucking good is America's Next Top Model: All Stars?! I thought I couldn't possibly love ANTM any more than I already did, but it's proven me wrong!

Also also, do I suit gingerness?

Dick hole

Ah well the Gateway councellor said I can't have secondary care(mental IP) because that's for people with severe mental illnesses despite me telling him about my compulsions to OD and cut and he was like "Well you haven't self harmed in months, that makes me wonder how urgent it is..." I hate it when they dare you to hurt yourself like that!

The silent therapists that just sit there waiting for you to pour your heart to them, but this guy just kept talking over me, le sigh.