I don't understand my mum

She's so fucking heartless, I mean I wish I was never open with her, it just gets thrown back in my face, she just started an argument over a fucking salad, because I said on boxing day, I'll just have a normal salad, lettuce and that, egg, turkey, bit of  cheese, no restricting, andyway she totally kicks off  "Why did you let me buy fucking pork pies and quiche and everything to put on it then! We do that every fucking year! All you do is waste my money and go on about dieting!" so I said "It's not a diet, it's a fucking eating disorder!" so the bitch says "Well if you really had a problem why do you go on about it?!" she's a fucking horrible, spiteful bitter bitch I hate her! I tried saying I would eat the fucking heart attack salad and she said "No, I'm not making it now"  because she is that fucking childish, oh and she also said I've ruined christmas and I said "christmas isn't about stuffing yourself" which is true, we never finish the fucking salad anyway. I mean she can't make me out to be weird when eating like three times your fucking recomended calorie intake is fucing weird as well. I hate her so much, first saying I'm not bulimic and then making me out to be ruining christmas, she's just as bad as her fucking mother, a dried up, bitter old cow, I fucking hope I do rip open my throat and die, then she can't call me a liar, I fucking hate her!!!!!!!!!

Back to the toilet I go

So I ate some chocolate pudding cause I'm a fat fucking monster and took a diet pill with it, but after like two hours my belly still didn't seem to be doing anything with it so I managed to throw  up and I've taken some laxatives... great, another agonizing night for me then, I also plan to workout for at least three hours tonight, fucking fed up of this shite, hopefully I'll sleep well.

My kitchen's trying to kill me!

Going a little bit crazy here, I've totally messed up my back with purging, I can't attempt to throw up without becoming temporarily paralyzed and being in extreme pain, which means I physically can no longer purge, I've never been so scared in my life, if I can't purge, what am I going to do?! Yesterday I had a small banana and didn't have anything else for the rest of the day, then my mum ordered a pizza! I ate my chips and a slice of pizza, but nothing else, I shouldn't have even had that, but I know I definitely CANNOT binge, becaue I can't even get rid of it. Today I ate five quality street chocolates(again, not a binge, but it should have never happened) and a tuna pasta salad from the co-op. My mum's bought be a shit load of beer with it being nearly christmas and I'm dying to have a drink, argh damn my stupid fucking back! Why must I be such a fat bitch!!

Fucking bastard shitting bulimia!!

I hate it, I fucking hate it! Eaten like a pig today, threw up like a dickhead only to order a takeaway, so after that I'm gonna pop some laxatives and diet pills and cry on the toilet all night, I'm such a fucking freak!

Fat fucking bitch!

So what's the point in fasting for two days, then eating like a pig for two days?! I swear to fucking god I hate myself and seeing as though I've quit throwing up, it looks like I'm going to punish myself with laxatives tonight... how the fuck has my life come to this?!

New dress

I bought a new dress in a size fourteen, my reward will be to wear it when I've lost enough and I got some cute little socks to wear with it :)

No idea why the pics are so small though...